i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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