Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
