Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
