You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
