It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
