1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
