So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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