I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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