very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
