end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
