dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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