Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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