The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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