I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
