Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
