i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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