i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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