Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
