U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
