Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
