Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
