When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
honey bunches of taint.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
