I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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