What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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