You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
