I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
