Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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