I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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