In the future we'll all be gay
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
