Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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