so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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