I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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