im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
