Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
