We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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