You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
