4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize