Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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