There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
