please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Congratulations! We have a period
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize