I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found puke in my bra..
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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