Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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