If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
