so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
