he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
