She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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