If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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