We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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