If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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