That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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