so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
