her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
