Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.