Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups