On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.