Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.