i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Less talking, more tequila
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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