Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry

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(+25): View more from

We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.

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(301): View more from Maryland

it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.

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