Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.

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(913): Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor. http://tfl.nu/qg7g

Replies (35) Good night (5324) Bad night (872)
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(562): View more from California

he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.

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(562): he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8. http://tfl.nu/qal7

Replies (13) Good night (4541) Bad night (1166)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

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(860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl

Replies (84) Good night (3458) Bad night (7991)
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(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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(716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979

Replies (41) Good night (8716) Bad night (2748)
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(917): View more from New York City

I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.

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(917): I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips. http://tfl.nu/10y5

Replies (14) Good night (3350) Bad night (1980)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"

(601): View more from Mississippi

Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

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(601): I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?" (601): Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success. http://tfl.nu/blht

Replies (5) Good night (2052) Bad night (678)
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(914): View more from New York

Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.

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(914): Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why. http://tfl.nu/2wlq

Replies (4) Good night (1206) Bad night (515)
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(219): View more from Indiana

Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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(219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb

Replies (8) Good night (2358) Bad night (716)
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(831): View more from California

sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing

(408): View more from California

it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"

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(831): sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing (408): it's like you just said "i want you to suffer" http://tfl.nu/wbp5

Replies (0) Good night (657) Bad night (432)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.

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(832): She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me. http://tfl.nu/8d60

Replies (7) Good night (1048) Bad night (411)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

Did someone catch you and fuck you?

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(828): I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes. (1-828): Did someone catch you and fuck you? http://tfl.nu/onw1

Replies (1) Good night (1198) Bad night (581)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka

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(919): Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka http://tfl.nu/78jn

Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (350)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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(602): I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time http://tfl.nu/slkz

Replies (3) Good night (905) Bad night (341)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.

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(250): I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pg6b

Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (580)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?

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(484): Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher? http://tfl.nu/bzw7

Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (206)

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