Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I want to have your abortion

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(619): I want to have your abortion http://tfl.nu/1oyo

Replies (29) Good night (865) Bad night (1440)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

Replies (31) Good night (4254) Bad night (803)
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(587): View more from Alberta

His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

(587): View more from Alberta

She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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(587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5

Replies (68) Good night (2324) Bad night (4531)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

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(715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r

Replies (7) Good night (1365) Bad night (5443)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

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(262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn

Replies (7) Good night (4111) Bad night (1053)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Fuck now we have to have sex

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

What?

(203): View more from Connecticut

In a bet, need to win

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(203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn

Replies (20) Good night (5460) Bad night (1165)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls

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(517): He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls http://tfl.nu/0ix2

Replies (3) Good night (3235) Bad night (935)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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(479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c

Replies (4) Good night (2857) Bad night (1093)
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(315): View more from New York

i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

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(315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i

Replies (25) Good night (4083) Bad night (1040)
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(408): View more from California

We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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(408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7

Replies (5) Good night (2443) Bad night (1157)
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(406): View more from Montana

Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar

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(406): Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar http://tfl.nu/9n3o

Replies (6) Good night (1349) Bad night (588)
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(941): View more from Florida

Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.

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(941): Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything. http://tfl.nu/u3ar

Replies (9) Good night (3986) Bad night (698)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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(405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90

Replies (6) Good night (1167) Bad night (747)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.

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(307): He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style. http://tfl.nu/qafz

Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (302)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.

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(520): Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds. http://tfl.nu/3cpt

Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (379)

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