it was like his penis was on wheels.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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