Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
