i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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