filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
