you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize